FOR the past decade, Natimuk has been one of the worst footy clubs in Victoria. The Rams' recent run of wooden spoons makes St Kilda's effort of four spoons in a row in the 1980s look like a cooking class.

Natimuk most recently played in the Horsham district league finals in 1997. Until recently, it was reduced to filling out reserves teams with international rock climbers. The climbers go to Natimuk to haul themselves up nearby Mount Arapiles. If Simon Mentz, the club's link between the climbers and footballers, got to them, they often augmented their Australian experience by pulling on Natimuk's blue and gold.

One climbing ace enticed to the club, American Timmy O'Neill, was halfway through a handball drill at training before he realised he wasn't playing soccer. After the next training session, O'Neill was taken spotlighting. It was only when he was handed a gun that he realised he was meant to shoot at the local fauna.

On another occasion, Mentz picked up an Irish hitch-hiker on the road between Horsham and Natimuk, which is 25 kilometres. The Irishman was reluctant to play footy because of a health problem, only for Mentz to persuade him to play seconds.

As they were running on to the ground, the Irishman explained that he had one lung. He gave a good account of himself in defence early but when summoned into the middle for the second quarter, Mentz stepped in to warn the coach that their recruit had one lung. The coach said it seemed to work fine, and a new midfielder was found.

The club reached its nadir in round 17, 2006, at Lah-Arum. The under 16s lost by 105 points, the reserves lost by 295 points and the seniors lost by 341 points. Some teenagers played in all three games, giving them a losing total of 741 points.

A fortnight later, president Willie "Worm" Hanson took a posse south to watch Casterton play. The Rams men were impressed by defender Nathan "Snake" Fidler and a meeting was arranged at Natimuk's National Hotel to offer Snake one of the least attractive jobs in Australian football, the job as Natimuk coach. The officials were quietly astounded when 26-year-old Fidler accepted the job.

Natimuk also was looking up when it opened new changerooms during the 2007 season. The money had come from the State Government ($50,000), the Federal Government ($30,000) and Channel Nine's The Footy Show, which donated $20,000 after voting Natimuk's old tin shed the worst dressing rooms in Australia.

The celebrations after Natimuk's one victory in 2007 nearly blew the roof off the new rooms because it enabled the Rams to finish off the bottom of the ladder.

In their third game this season, the Rams defeated Stawell Swifts. Then they beat Taylors Lake. On Saturday, they scored their best victory in a decade when they defeated Edenhope-Aspley by 77 points, giving them three wins for the season and a finals shot.

No rock climbers have been able to get a game.

By Paul Daffey

Article first appeared The Age June 4, 2008

< Prev		Next >